Finally =)

أقسم بالله العظيم أن أراقب الله في مهنتى وأن أصون حياة الإنسان في كافة أدوارها.. في كل الظروف والأحوال باذلا وسعي في استنقاذها من الهلاك والمرض والألم والقلق وأن أحفظ للناس كرامتهم. وأستر عورتهم، وأكتم سرهم وأن أكون على الدوام من وسائل رحمة الله، باذلا رعايتي الطبية للقريب والبعيد، والصالح والخاطىء، والصديق والعدو وأن أثابر على طلب العلم، وأسخره لنفع الإنسان... لا لأذاه وأن أوقر من علمني، وأعلم من يصغرني، وأكون أخا لكل زميل في المهنة الطبية متعاونين على البر والتقوى.
وأن تكون حياتي مصداق إيماني في سري وعلانيتي، نقية مما يوشي لها تجاه الله ورسوله والمؤمنين. والله على ما أقول شهيد

Mercy

184 brutal questions over 4.5 hours daunting hours. Half way through I had a sudden urge to yank my hair, "al6um" and run screaming out of the examination hall.
I am exhausted, emotionally and physically.
Breathe in, breathe out, off I go to study some more.
One down, three more to go.
Ya musah'hil!

16 more days to go!

ليش كل ما أصكر عيوني يطلعلي الامتحان؟ و ليش كل الأسئلة تعجيزية؟ و ليش السؤال اللي أعرف أجاوبه، أفز بنصه من الرقاد؟
!ست أسابيع مب متهنية بالرقاد! خلاص تعبت!و دورولي حل ويا هالصداع

I need to know there's more to life than this.
I need to see the silver lining.
I need to reach my own happy ending.

Ya mu3een

We are spending almost every waking moment revising, asking each other questions, counselling, breaking bad news, whatever it takes to get that piece of information to consolidate. From the moment we open our eyes, till the moment we fall asleep, we bombard each other with questions, in the hopes that maybe we will be asked this question, or somehow it will miraculously be in the exam.

Why doees it seem that no matter how much we study, we still seem lost. There's so much to study and so little time.

We sit huddled together over piles of papers, revision notes and paper cups. I never was into group studying, but extreme times need extreme measures. Being left alone victims to our wandering minds is not something we can afford now. Trying to cram 6 years worth in 4 weeks. The sight of my dry skin, my unsightly cuticles, and my prematurely greying falling hairs manages to distract me. Is this what a 20 something girl looks like? We have a mini pity-party as I share my thoughts, but we manage to get back on track. Kudos to self-discipline.

We laugh hystericaly over some lame comment, snorting and gasping for air as we do so. Is it all that caffeine, or is it just our way of coping with stress. Maybe we are scared if we don't laugh, we will end up crying, or being crippled with fear.

I manage to steal a few minutes before I fall asleep to read some blogs, as weird as this is, I'd rather unwind with some reading, then adding half an hour to my troubled skimpy sleep.

Allahum la sahl illa ma ja3altahu sahlan, w anta taj3al al7azan itha shi2ta sahla.

Enshalla kilna ninja7, la faqdeen w la mafqoodeen.

Count Down

I'm almost there, at the end of the line. The moment I have been working for for all those years. All seven years, all eighty exams, all 1120 commuting hours, all early mornings, all sleepless nights, all coffee cups, all 8 to 9s were all means to this day.
I am scared but thrilled. I am hesitant yet hopeful.
I haven't had a peaceful night in a month now, every time I close my eyes I'm at a station, under the scrutiny of a panel of examiners.
Four more exams. The last mile. And then, a life time of learning.

Wit

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

John Donne (1572 - 1631)

Tormented

I have strangled my conscience, stuck a sock in its mouth to muffle its sounds, locked it in a dark corner and lost the key. I don't hear its voice anymore. I need it now more than ever before. But it is asleep and the cries of my agonized soul are uncapable of waking it up. I am afraid it will never wake up. I am afraid it is dead. I am afraid I killed it. I am afraid my burdened soul cannot bring it back. I am afraid I am doomed to this life of conscienceless living. I am afraid of the darkness that is engulfing me, sucking my tormented soul to the bottom, from where it can never rise.

Kiss the Rain

Early morning in the parking lot, I bumped into a friend I had not seen in a while right before her exam. The first thing she said with a huge smile on her face was "I'll take that as a good omen". It made my day =)

I totally out-did myself(and everyone else for that matter) by showing up with two heads at a costume party. It was scarily creative =)

You are weird. I have been getting that quite a lot lately. I don't know whether to take it in a good or bad way? Is there even a good side of weird?

At a party, someone abruptly asks me publicly: I've known you for 7 years, you never told me what you want in a guy? How do you respond to that? I forgot my checklist at home, I'll fill you in next time?!

We have been so excited about the so-called upcoming tornado. Our cell phones filled with messages about the forecast. We were all so disappointed when we woke me this morning to calm weather, loudly wishing it was just the calm before the storm . We were devastated when we found out they were only rumors. Only in the UAE!!

As cliche as this is, I love the smell of earth after rain. The unexpected rains rejuvenated everyone. "اللهم صيباً نافعاً"

سؤال غبي في بالي من الصبح: ليش الأكل الساخن يبرد و البارد يسخن؟

In last week's episode of BornConfuzed...

An ENT surgeon told me I have a "bulbous" nose. I always loved my nose and thought it was my best feature. Now, every time I look at myself in the mirror, I zoom in on my "bulbous" nose, and I it makes me feel ugly!

Got addicted to apple and ginger tea. No sugar added. Yum. I am trying to replace my java addiction with different kinds of tea, so far this is my favorite.

Complained about tactless people cutting line in the cafeteria. I don't care if you just bought half a sandwich or a take-away, you have to stand in line, just like everyone else!

Mastered the art of ignoring. You are stupid, superficial, selfish and a bore. Get a life and stop lying. Yes, everyone knows you shamelessly lie about petty stuff, you are only making a fool of yourself. And don't give me your psychic crap first thing in the morning before I downed down my morning cup of joe, I don't tolerate you as it is, don't push your luck by testing my tolerance before my eye opener shot.

Fought headaches with sleep. Bad call. Next time, I'll pop a panadol.

After a week of contemplation, I decided to leave my laptop home and reunite with it only on weekends. Blog hopping when you are bored and miserable is therapeutic, but staying up unil 2 am reading blogs, feeling groggy in the morning, and ignoring studies so close to finals is self-destructive. If I want to check my e-mails, I'll have to use the library.